Pay as you Ho

Times are tough. It has come to a point where even people with good jobs are living from hand to mouth. Everyone is doing a fair days work to get by, even prostitutes. Am I speaking down to prostitutes? No, I wouldn’t dream of it, some of my closest friends are prostitutes…in fact this article comes to the defense of prostitutes across South Africa. I, on behalf of all prostitutes, would like to condemn loose women. Their disregard for their own self worth and incredible ‘ease’ has not only caused a great lull in the prostitutes annual profit turn over but has also changed the face of clubbing the world over. Now, I’m not clear on the current street value of vagina but I’m pretty sure that all this free booty being thrown around is bringing it down tremendously.

Let’s time travel: about two years ago I was at my house of prayer and meditation which I attended on a weekly basis (otherwise known as Thursday Reggae Night). While smoking, swaying and bobbing my head, I observed a woman (probably in her late teens/early twenties) being escorted to a table by two other females. They left her there. I won’t say that she was drunk for fear that you may under estimate her level of intoxication. I watched as she slumped forward until she was stopped by her forehead hitting the table. As I prepared to return to my meditation I noticed a group of four gentlemen enter the room, I could tell that they had just arrived because of their matte skin and the crispness of their cologne, as well as their curious sobriety, all of which are rare finds at these gatherings. One of the gentlemen (and I use the term gentlemen very loosely) noticed the girl, went over to her, peeled her head off the table and introduced himself. Ten minutes later he was negotiating travelling arrangements with the three gentlemen he had arrived with, telling them that they would all have to go home in one car because him and his new ‘friend’ were tired and wanted to go home to bed ( he nudged and then he winked). Witnessing this scene stuck with me because to this day, I’m not sure who is worse: the drunk loose girl, the drunk loose girls friends, the creepy sober guy, the creepy sober guys friends or me, the eavesdropper! Either way, I realized that this gentleman was a perfect example of what misers men have become. How do prostitutes make any money?

Back to the future; social networks and other new technological means of communication have brought things to a point where the word whore doesn’t seem broad enough to describe some of the men and women who are moving fluidly among us like amoeba. At any given moment one could be sitting in a room where various sex videos starring your friends and/or family are being thrown around the room via Bluetooth like a herpes-infested virtual ball. In these…puss oozing times, no coercion (monetary or otherwise) is needed to get some girls into bed (granted there are women who study and don’t drink or smoke , but rather read and map out their first sexual encounter, but if I wanted to talk about them I would have titled this article “women I know nothing about”)

Considering that sex has only become more acrobatic and requires more skill and upper body strength than it did in the good old days, one is forced to wonder about the logic behind being easy. Sex is hard. Long gone are the days when women could get away with lying on their backs with their knees up and their only contribution being vocal. Nowadays hands, mouths and sometimes even breasts, thighs and asses are involved in our, mostly indecent, encounters. Having taken all of this into consideration, shouldn’t these loose women be charging at least an entrance fee? Or at least participate in a payment negotiation before they leave the club e.g. If a gent picks up a girl with the soul intention of nailing her and expects for it to be free he should be told: “Listen buddy, I think it only fair to warn you that since you have decided to take the cheap route you will be getting a “Social Grant Fuck”. No hip movement, no “oh baby I like it”, no oral; anal or titi sex…NO PERKS”

I mean if you’re going to be loose, if you love being easy, why not make some money out of doing the one thing you love? Am I saying that these women should become prostitutes? Well…yeah…that’s exactly what I am saying! Otherwise they are no better that thieves who are stealing real prostitutes’ clientele from under them.

Granted, we all have that one sexual encounter that was induced by alcohol or the likes, and we remember being a little easier than is socially acceptable, but most of us are so severely ashamed of our behavior that we choose not to remember it and we subsequently don’t repeat the behavior because faking amnesia is tricky. I realize that many women, both young and old, will vow never to read any of my thoughts again after this because they might feel “picked-on”, but I think that it is time that we all realize that women and men are different. Am I saying that man whores are better? Of course not, anal warts are unattractive no matter what your gender however there is unfortunately more of a stigma attached to a loose woman than to a loose man. A man that tries too hard is brushed off as lame, a woman that tries too hard is labeled sad or worse yet desperately pathetic.

There is a moral to this story…there is a lesson embedded in these words and that lesson is: Prostitutes Rock. They rock because they don’t just give it up. Even if the ones that charge R 20.00 for ten pumps place more value on themselves than the many young girls that just lay down with one man after the other without eve giving it a second thought. Harsh words? Perhaps, but this is a harsh life. My mother once said ones sexuality is like a juicy orange; if you let every passer-by suck on your orange, one day someone who really wants and would appreciate your orange will come along but they will find your orange all dry and shriveled up and will lose interest. AKA don’t squirt your juices at every Tom, Dick and Harry because pretty soon you will be left with no juices to squirt…wise words….wise words.